Apocalypse- who do you love?

Imagine Armageddon is upon us we have one more day to spend on this beautiful planet of ours before everything we know and love is gone. I want you to take a second and think about who you want to spend that last day of existence with? Who do you want to say good bye to? Who is the last person you want to be holding in your arms? These people- these are the ones you love, the ones you hold in your heart. Now I ask you to text, call, or go tell that person/people that you love/care about them. Often times I believe that people do not tell their loved ones 'I love you' enough. This year I have witnessed and been apart of a lot deaths...family, friends, people I care about. I guarantee that there is at least one person in these people's lives that wishes they had said 'I love you' more often or that would give any amount of money to say it just one more time. Giving love is free, it takes but moments, and it is priceless...it is cherished above all else in the world so don't forget to spread your love and let your heart grow.

How do you know?

Sometimes in life but especially in love people get uneasy feelings. They start to second guess themselves, the other person, the trust, the strength. The trouble with this is knowing whether or not it is your intuition sending you a warning or if its low self esteem/ lack of confidence.
I am a firm believer in intuition and I also believe that more often than not it is correct. I think intution is your true self telling you what you are to afraid to admit- your intuition is a combination of your heart, mind, and soul. this is why I believe it is the only thing stronger than the heart.
The problem is most people cannot tell the difference between nerves and intution. I regret to say that sometimes I am that person and I am experiencing it now. Honestly it scares the crap out of me and it hurts more than I thought it would. But this blog is not going to be about me, however I am going to share what I plan on doing to figure out if this is in fact intuition or nerves.
First things first I cannot rush this. I need to let it sink in, time is not something I need to rush in this case. If I begin to question a bunch of things then it is probably nerves. Your intuition is always sure, not always right but it is sure of how it feels.
Secondly intuitions are always repeatative so if I get the same thought/action in my mind then it is my intuition telling what I need to be doing.

Most people do not want to listen to their intuitions because most of the time it is telling you to do the opposite of what your heart wants. I have always been one to think and act with my heart, so this is going to be rather difficult for me because I know I can trust my intuition more than my heart.

Anyone else having this problem? Tell me about it. Let me see if I can help.

The source of happiness

I think it is safe to say that all people want to be happy. People search their whole lives for happiness. What people do not realize is that happiness is not something you find, happiness is a state of being. People look for happiness in money, cars, houses, drugs, sex, and even love. These things do not create happiness, they amplify it. You must first achieve it. Happiness comes from within and until you are happy with yourself you will never truley be happy even with the greatest spouse or all of the money in the world. Stop searching for a fish on the beach.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that these things can't be to blame for times of unhappiness. But to determine the source of unhappiness one must first start with themself.
Now that being said I find it obsurd for someone to believe that being in love/ being loved can possibly make them happy. If you think you have to rely on someone else to be happy then you obviously don't love yourself. So instead of spending your days trying to improve yourself and love yourself you are using your time trying to improve a relationship that is destined for failure.

Unwanted hearts

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl start dating. Boy and girl fall in love with each other. Boy gives heart to girl. Girl takes heart and in return gives boy imitation heart. Time passes by. Girl begins to drift away from boy. With her bags packed and his heart in her hand she walks out of his life.

Sad story isn't it? Unfortunately it is a story most of us know all to well. But the question is, what is the boy supposed to do now? How could he ever truly be completely happy without a heart to love another with?

When a person gives their heart to you don't take it lightly. It is a very special and powerful thing. And when you give your heart away make sure it is to the right person because if they are the wrong person you will never see that heart again. The heart, much like any other part of the human body, is able to heal itself. A strong person is able to regrow a new heart. As the new heart grows it is filled with love- the elixir and purpose for its very existence.  It will not be the same heart as the one that was given away for you are no longer the same person but that doesn't make it any less special than the previous. The host of this new heart can do things to ensure that it is a good worthy heart. With faith, love for oneself, an open mind, and a forgiving nature they can feed the new heart helping it grow. When the host feels the new heart is ready and the right person has come along they can give it to another filled with their love.

But you might ask what happened to the old heart. Eventually the love that was contained inside it will die and so will the heart. It will become and empty shell, a mere memory of what once was. At that point it is up to its new owner whether to throw it away or keep it as a keepsake in their trophy case of life.

*This blog inspired by a very special person to me who deserves more than he has been given.

Random thoughts of worthiness

So I am sitting in my room getting my make up on and I start to think about life, power, happiness and relationships. First off let me say sorry because I am sure this blog is going to be a random clusterfuck of thoughts with no real flow. That being said, here we go.

First off I hate when people tell me that I am not ready for something. Example- when people told me I wasn't ready for a relationship after my divorce. Um, excuse me? I am pretty sure last time I checked you were you and I am me and that you can't tell me whether or not I'm ready for shit. Yes, thank you, I do know that relationships are hard work but here's how I see it: A relationship is very similar to a job. It has pros and cons, some are better than others, they can have anywhere from no benefits to tons of benefits, but most importantly...IF YOU LOVE THE JOB/RELATIONSHIP YOU ARE IN>>>ITS NOT WORK. Did you get that? Did you write that down? That is how I see it. Now I am not telling you that you need to go jump in a relationship if you are single or that you need to get single if you don't love the relationship you are in. All I am saying is evaluate the situation. Think of the pros and cons, the benefits...tell yourself...is it worth it to you? Just be honest with yourself.

That being said- be honest with whoever you are taking to, dating, married to...whatever. Lay your cards on the table, they don't like what you've presented then hey that is probably not a good fit. If people took the guess work out of relationships then the shit would be a lot easier. As for me, I'm gonna say what's on my mind. You don't like it? Oh well, I'm fucking beautiful and smart and guess what? Any man that I deem worthy of spending my time with is fucking lucky to be in that position and if you pass then that is your own problem and I'll deem someone else worthy. IDK I guess I am just tired of seeing all these people pussyfootin through life...like stop holding back. Figure out why are you holding back and then just fuckin let go. I realize this isn't directly related to the theme of my blog, love, but you could tie it in there too I suppose. For example, I have a friend who has been with the same man going on 9 years and he has yet to propose to her. They are both 100% faithful and have lived with e/o for a very long time but he is afraid....seriously dude. Get the fuck over it and let go of your FEAR and just do it. I'm tellin you...Nike knows their shit..JUST DO IT.

But back to what I think I was originally talking about.- Don't tell me what I am or am not ready for. I have lived my entire life around love. Love of family, friends, myself, and so on. once I believe I have found someone that I believe is worth my time then there is no question that I am ready. It is a challenge but its a challenge that I am more than happily willing to take on and conquer. Being that I am single now shows I haven't conquered it yet but that doesn't mean I have failed. I'll only have failed when I have given up. Know your worth people! And know the worth of the person you decide to give your heart to. Every relationship has hardships but if all of it is worth it then that's all that matters. Is it worth the tears? Is it worth the drama? Is it worth the bull shit? Is it worth the work? Is it worth the wait? Figure that out. It's a simple question so don't act like a female and over-complicate it. Once you have your answer go from there.

Self- Esteem

I don't think people realize how much their actions effect the ones they are in a relationship with. When you cheat, lie, hit, or hurt the one you are with you are potentially damaging their psychological state and thus damaging their future selves.
Being married is hard enough but being married and cheated on in the first yea, also know as the happiest yer, of your marriage is life altering and devastating. As a child I was never the hot chick or the popular chick so needless to say I didn't have the greatest self esteem to begin with. But when my ex and i made the decision to get married I couldn't believe that someone cared about me enough to want to spend the rest of their life with me. Little did I know that no matter how great of a woman I was it still wasn't enough to keep him faithful. Even though my ex and I are good friends now does not mean that the wounds he left didn't turn into scars.
Even now I constantly feel that I am not good enough and that the smallest mistake on my part is going to push away any man that enters my life. I still act like myself with guys, I'm not about to act like someone or something that I'm not but when I am alone I think about the things I did or how I acted and pick out all the stupid shit I did or amplify how terrible I looked. When am I going to start to feel like I am worth it?
Even in all this I still believe in love and I always will. Everyday I become stronger and deep down I know that I am an amazing woman and I will find happiness.

So, if there is anyone reading this, no matter what happens...don't give up on love. It is the most powerful and beautiful thing in the world and it is worth everything you have and will go through.

Love 'em let 'em go

So they say if you love someone let them go and if they come back then that is how you know. I have to say I used to agree with this. Now I think that you'll know when they don't let you leave. When the person already knows your worth and what you mean to them. When just the thought of you leaving them makes their heart ache.
From my experience ex's are ex's for a reason. And getting back together with an ex is usually a bad idea and ends up back onto the path you were just walking. I'm not saying that it never works out but why do people go through that? Why break-up to make-up? Is it for the new found appreciation? Because I think that if you are with someone who treats you right then there should be no appreciation to be found, it should already be know.
I feel some people, especially women, do it to feel wanted again. Women need attention and reassurance on a regular basis and that is not something all men realize or provide. So what do women do? They cause a fight to create a chase. They want to know they are still desired by their man. I do realize it sounds stupid and sounds like a lot of work and it is, but let me tell you....it does work sometimes. But I am here to tell all the women out there that it is unnecessary! Simply talk to your man, tell him what you what, how you feel and why you think you feel that way. If you do not tell him how you feel then you should not expect him to know. Men are just that....men...not mind readers.  Don't yell. Be calm, this is no reason to fight. And if you make it to where you are attacking him or putting him down you are only going to push him away. Maybe you should try to suggest to him things that he could do-not things he NEEDS to do! He is not a dog so don't command him.
Men, listen to your women. Sometimes being willing to listen to what we find wrong in the relationship is the biggest sign that you care. And if she starts to yell at you or bring her down then calmly let her know that you would like her to calm down so you both can work it out.
Relationship problems are NEVER one sided.